6:30pm: Oh no. "There's nothing like a girl in a strapless gown!"—Guiliana De Pandi. You are so right, girlfriend. The only celebrity on the red carpet right now is Elisabeth Shue, so De Pandi and the guy from America's Next Top Model are showing clips of what people wore last year. Memories of fashion are so, like, memorable. 6:32pm: Gorgeous counter: 3 6:36pm: The Gores are adorable when they talk about environmental reserves and Bill Blass within the same minute. 6:38pm: At this Oscar party, I was just the only one in the room who could correctly identify Michael Bublé. Clearly, I am proud of what my life has become. 6:41pm: Jennifer Hudson is wearing a gold lamé jacket that looks like a tin foil spaceship. 6:45pm: Gorgeous counter: 5 (Both inspired by Emily Blunt.) 6:54pm: Seacrest just said "the hot change" as in "these celebrities are coming in really fast: hot change" or "I'm Ryan Seacrest: Hot Change!" I bet it was his nickname in high school. 6:59pm: Kelly Preston and John Travolta came straight from a New Jersey mall to the red carpet. Why, exactly, are they there? 7:01pm:"I nearly dropped dead when I saw her."—Guy from America's Next Top Model about Penelope Cruz. Also, I don't think he was exaggerating. Wouldn't it be great if he really did pass out from looking at a dress? Ugh. I'm tired of Guiliana De Pandi and her superfluous use of the TV pen. She just circled an earring, because, you know, it was really hard to locate. I'm tuning into the Barbara Walters Special on ABC now.

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