Summer is upon us, that sweaty season marked with rooftop BBQs, vodka-filled watermelons, and many, many reminders to stay inside and watch television.
Anyway, here's a quick survey of the ads for some of the new (and a few of the old) shows, complete with some alternate eye-catching taglines.
Actual Tagline: The 70's are in full swing.
Alternate Tagline: Three women. One zipper. That's it.
Alternate Tagline 2: Swinging it swing down in the swing-swing.*
*"swing" is another word for "sex."
NBC's Nashville Star
Actual Tagline: NBC's All-American Summer
Alternate Tagline: As American as the dark shadow of Billy Ray Cyrus mournfully playing guitar on a fake beach!
Alternate Tagline 2: Who will be the next Chris Gaines?
Showtime's Secret Diary Of A Call Girl
Actual Tagline: A new series about making it…in the city.
Alternate Tagline: Like if Mary Tyler Moore had sex…for money.
Alternate Tagline 2: One glamorous, glamorous prostitute gets stuck in a giant, giant martini glass…in the city.
ABC's The Mole
Actual Tagline: 12 will play…1 will betray.
Alternate Tagline: Espionage has never been this boring.
Alternate Tagline 2: It's totally not Mark…or is it? Look, just please watch this.
E!'s Living Lohan
Actual Tagline: One tough mother.
Alternate Tagline: She puts the "mother" in "motherfucking crazy-ass greedy attention-seeking stage mom."
Alternate Tagline 2: Ever wonder how the other Lohans live? No? Well, okay, never mind then.