Jesse Hassenger's saved articles

That was a really long-winded way of saying “I disagree.” Didn’t really need to write a paragraph for that. 

Whenever Tesla comes to my campus to solicit students, the main selling point isn’t hours, benefits, future prospects. Read more

it’s his job to write essays so...

(tears up) you CAN’T be my wing man, Jesse Hassenger! (cries into pillow)

“because they typically come from people who own at least one Apple product”

This is one of my favorite movies of all time. Part of it was the fact that I’m Indian, and I’ve ridden a train like that for an extended period of time, but the cinematography was incredible and the soundtrack as well.

Wow.  Deep cuts.  

Dammit, Jesse, where’s your article on the Mad TV ep that was hosted by the ghost of Steve Jobs?

JFC the Musk-apologists came out in *force.*

If 1/10th of that energy could be directed to something constructive instead of stanning for a pasty, borderline sociopathic billionaire, imagine how better the world could be.

“If you ain’t working yourself to death in unsafe conditions, it ain’t REAL work” Read more

If....you are comparing the audience of SNL to the number of people who will read this piece (let alone be influenced by it), then you have made a tragic miscalculation along the way, friend. Read more

Anything else that isn't happening you're all worked up about Nostrodumbass?

Don’t know who needs to hear it, but I’m a lit major. I have been gainfully employed since leaving college, barring a 1.5 month period during the last recession. I make a solid wage, have no debt, and am actually saving money. Read more

yeah, it’s not surprising that a lot of children of celebs turn out to be great artists as well — just like it’s not surprising that Steph Curry turned out to be a great basketball player. turns out growing up immersed in that environment will let you develop skills with a degree of seriousness from a really, really… Read more

love the flex of making a totally brutal burn that literally five people on the planet will understand without google

HEY MAN- I think you shouldn’t be trying to oppose anyone as exalted and based as Elon Musk, especially for your biased viewpoint as a *checks with Mormon Nailer* corporate media conglomerate-employed, fledgling union worker chasing keyword controversies for clicks. It doesn’t matter that either accusation’s negative… Read more

But even positing the idea that hosting Musk is “Dangerous” is preposterous. Would you claim he’s as dangerous as Al Sharpton? Maxine Waters? Nancy Pelosi? AOC+Squad? BLM and Antifa?

Well, you found at least one Musk fan who’s going to be incredibly perplexed by Saturday Night Live.

“He’s also kind of a tool but that doesn’t mean he’s a super-villian because he has not ceded control of his businesses to a workers collective.” Considering the dismal OSHA records for Musk’s businesses, his noted practice of firing people just for kicks, and for bullying/marginalizing anyone who opposes him in his… Read more

I don’t imagine seventysomething baby boomer Lorne Michaels Read more