Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Breaking News! Brad Pitt Is Familiar With The Transitory Nature Of Life!

Some late nights you'll find yourself tossing and turning, unable to quiet that low, nagging voice that is always whining in some corner of your brain. During the day it's easy enough to drown out with other, more immediate thoughts, and most nights you can ignore it long enough to fall asleep. But some restless nights, the voice is just unrelenting—digging into your thought processes like a knuckle pressing directly into your brain tissue, until you can't take any more. You throw the sheets off, get out of bed, walk over to the open window and shout out the question that the voice in your head endlessly asks: "Is Brad Pitt aware of his own mortality?"

You wait for an answer, but especially considering that there are much more efficient means of both inquiry and communication besides shouting out of windows in the middle of the night, there isn't one. You return to bed, question unanswered, inner voice unquieted, and consider maybe next time googling it or something.

But now, at last, People has given you relief. They have found the answer to your question:


You can finally sleep tonight!

Personally, I would have gone with "Brad Pitt Has Heard Of This Thing Called 'Death'" or "Brad Pitt Knows That He Is Mortal" or "Brad Pitt Knows That His Childhood Dog, Snappy, Wasn't Given Away To A Nice Family With A Big Backyard For Him To Run Around In." Or I would have eschewed the entire "time is fleeting" thing and gone with Huffington Post's headline about the same interview:

Always lead with grotto sex (ALWGS). It's the first rule of journalism.     

Share This Story

Get our newsletter