Out of all the DVDs in all the world, Netflix users had to keep renting Paul Haggis' Oscars-race-ballet-inspiring Crash. Here's looking at you, America.

From The Chicago Tribune:

The Dark Knight couldn't dethrone it.

Neither could Harry Potter, Indiana Jones or even Iron Man.

No, since its DVD debut in September 2005, Crash has remained Netflix's No. 1 rented movie—much to the delight and confusion of its director, Paul Haggis.

"I just assumed it was some sort of anomaly," Haggis told the Tribune recently. "I have no idea why anyone went to the movie in the first place, let alone rent it. It was a little independent film, and when people started to see it, I was amazed."


Well, America, the good news is you've managed to baffle Paul Haggis to the point of quotable false modesty. (Although, how hard could it be?) The bad news is everyone all around the country apparently can't get enough of heavy-handed race relations interconnectedness melodrama.  Unless everyone is renting Crash solely for the purpose of destroying it, and thus making Netflix's bottomless pool of Crash DVDs a tiny fraction of a fraction smaller, this is unacceptable. Below you'll find some substitute choices for Crash that, merely by virtue of not being Paul Haggis's Crash are infinitely better candidates for being the most popular DVD rental in the country.

1. David Cronenberg's Crash.

If you're looking to rent a movie called Crash, this one is the much better choice. Instead of perception-shattering moments like Don Cheadle saying, "Mom, I can't talk to you now. I'm having sex with a white woman," when he's actually having sex with a Puerto Rican/Salvadorean woman he calls "Mexican" (sooo many layers), you'll get genuinely disturbing car accident fetishism.


2. School Ties


School Ties has three things in common with Crash: Brendan Fraser, many displays of casual racism, and melodrama. But School Ties is infinitely better than Crash because it doesn't have any modicum of LA navel-gazing, or a "people saving each other across prejudices" montage. 

3. My Father The Hero

Look, we all know that the most popular movie on Netflix is ultimately a meaningless achievement. Let's show the world exactly how meaningless it is by making a thoroughly random selection—like, say, the 1994 girl-pretends-her-dad-is-her-boyfriend comedy My Father The Hero—the number one rental. You don't even have to watch it (although Leonard Maltin assures us it is delightful.)