Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Let’s face it: Your photographs and their attempts at “realism” are far too dull and pedestrian for a modern audience. Today’s photo-viewing public demands escapist fantasy: hyper-stylized special effects, dangerous stunts, and the illusion that Shia LaBeouf is an action star. Fortunately, now you don’t have to spend hundreds of millions of dollars tearing up the thoroughfares of various major cities or risking the lives of poorly paid extras to get that crucial element of “kick ass” that can upgrade your images from straight-to-Facebook non-starters to overnight blockbusters. All you need is the Bayifier, which allows anyone to transform their boring photos into something that would briefly hold the attention of big-time Hollywood director Michael Bay. Simply upload your precious memories, then awesome them up through the addition of fireballs, guns, and sexy sports cars. That’s how you put asses in seats.

For instance, here’s one I did using one of the otherwise-interesting-only-to-me photos of my cat, of which, like most cat owners, I have literally hundreds. But now look at it! It's totally in your faces!


Here’s history coming alive—alive like a motherfucker. Look out! That starving Californian migrant worker has a bomb!

Here’s Obama’s new chief of staff, Pete Rouse. People thought he was an odd choice to replace an alpha male like Rahm Emanuel, but he looks surprisingly studly here. And get a load of his sweet ride! Who's the man of the House now?


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