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Important Questions About Twilight: New Moon

Twilight: New Moon, the movie in which an Abstinence Vampire, a CGI Husky, and An Oversized Bottle of Vitamin Water battle for the affection of a brooding girl who gets a paper cut while opening a birthday present, raises more questions than it answers. Questions like, "What?" "Huh?" "Thunderstorm vampire baseball?" "Virgin Atlantic flies from Seattle to Italy now?" and, of course, "What was 50 Cent doing at the Twilight New Moon Premiere?"

That last one is the ultimate unanswerable question. There's no defnitive response to a  "What was 50 Cent doing [name of place]?" question. "What was 50 Cent doing at the Costco?" "What was 50 Cent doing at Coldstone Creamery?" "What was 50 Cent doing at an after party for The Wrestler?" "What was 50 Cent doing at some picnic with Bette Midler?" No one expects answers to these questions, because there could never be a satisfactory answer.

Until now. Finally, we have an answer to the question "What was 50 Cent doing at the New Moon Premiere?"


"I came out to enjoy the festivities," 50 explained. "You see the energy, all the kids out. They been out here for a few days waiting to see this. Me too, I want to check it out. I'm going to try to enjoy it."

Of course, we all know 50's real motivation for attending the Twilight 2 premiere—he was escorting his "close friend," the Oversized Bottle of Vitamin Water, down the red carpet. Still, it's nice to see someone essentially saying to 50 Cent, "Explain your presence."

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