Jennifer Lopez, aka J. Lo, aka, Jenny From The Block, aka Mizz Sparklepants has a new song out extolling the virtues of a particular brand of expensive, ugly shoes, and she wore a swarovski-crystal bedazzled Mister Mistofeles costume (sans the furry ears) for New Year's Eve—so what better time to expound on the richness of love, life, and family, right?

Right. It's, like, once J. Lo had a family, everything else became background noise (specifically her single, "Louboutins") and she realized what was truly important: Awards. Shiny, shiny awards.   


From Latina:

“I feel like I had that [Oscar worthy role] in El Cantante, but I don’t even think the academy members saw it. I feel like it’s their responsibility to do that, to see everything that’s out there, everything that could be great.”

Not that J.Lo is bitter. She's just recounting a minor perceived slight from nearly two years ago in an interview because it's a great story. A really funny, hilarious story about how the Academy members didn't do their jobs and give her the Oscar she deserved for playing the onscreen wife of her husband, Marc "Facial Hollows" Anthony.

“Well, it is a little bit frustrating. It was funny; when the Oscars were on, I had just given birth on the 22nd, and the Oscars, I think, were a day or two later. I was sitting there with my twins—I couldn’t have been happier—but I was like, ‘How dope would it have been if I would’ve won the Oscar and been here in my hospital bed accepting the award?’ ‘Thank you so much! I just want to thank the academy!’ But we joked about it. It’s all good. Things will happen when they’re supposed to happen.


Ha ha. Oh, the jokes they told that day in the maternity ward! When the doctor said, "It's a boy and a girl!" J. Lo picked her head off of the goose-down pillow—outfitted in Frette linens, as requested in Ms. Lopez's hospital rider—and wearily asked, "Is there an Oscar in there too? Cause I should have had a goddamn Oscar!"

And later, when the nurses brought the twins in for a visit with the new mom, and placed the warm little bundles in J. Lo's arms, the icy silence was punctuated by uncomfortable laughter when J. Lo regarded her newborn children and said, "Maybe I'll name them 'Oscar'  and 'Golden Globe.' Cause I guess that's the only way I'm going to get either one. Fucking bullshit."