The Informers, a movie based on the Bret Easton Ellis novel of the same name, is opening today—a fact that you're probably all too aware of if you've been using the Internet with your eyes open for the past week. If you have been reading-while-blindfolded, though, allow me to show you what you've missed. Behold, the least compelling ad for a movie ever:

Wow. Two withered husks at a dull cocktail party aren't sure if they ever loved each other? Fandango is probably going to crash from all the advance ticket sales this provocative nugget of advertising is going to cause.

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I know that in our culture the word "literally" has come to mean something closer to "figuratively," but I literally mean the true definition of the word when I say that literally anything would make for a more compelling tagline for this movie than "Did you ever love me…I don't know."

"Am I on fire?…No. Wait, you mean with passion? Then also no."

"I'm unhappy in our marriage…Tell me about it."

"Can we just get through one party with out your stupid sad face?…I don't know."

"Darling?…Are you talking to me?"

"I hate you….Ditto."

"So I think I'm going to have to make a dentist's appointment…Shut up."

"Antelopes?…Gorillas"

"?….?!?!"

Unless the entire plot of State Of Play (or even Fighting) is contained in those elipses, judging by this ad this movie looks like a tedium contest.

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