Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Uh-oh, looks like China’s in trouble. They were able to build the Great Wall, but now that it’s time to defend it, this ancient civilization finds itself overwhelmed by the enormity of—SHIT, ARE THOSE MONSTERS? On man, where’s an anachronistically familiar white face when you need it? Cue Matt Damon, looking like he just got back from the Renaissance Faire. What a relief.


That’s the actual premise of the Raise The Red Lantern and Hero director Zhang Yimou’s new historical epic The Great Wall. Playing like a Chinese analogue to the similarly Game Of Thrones-esque Dracula Untold, the teaser trailer for the film combines high production value and goofy fantasy/horror elements for a sweeping historical epic that would make the hybrid-genre enthusiasts at The Asylum sick with envy. (World War Z’s Max Brooks co-wrote the screenplay, which explains a lot.) Kudos to the international cast—which also includes Jing Tian, Andy Lau, Pedro Pascal, and Willem Dafoe, among others—for keeping a straight face the entire time.

The Great Wall opens in China this December and in the U.S. on February 17, 2017.

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