Items needed for launching a great joke rap career:

1. Multiple public Bye! Goods.

2. Casey Affleck, documentarian, filming your every move.

3.  A backing track that sounds like outtakes from Drumline.

4. Mumbling lessons. How else can you make everything you say sound like a garbled tangle of nonsensical word knots?


5. The ability to say with conviction, "This is not a joke."

6. A Las Vegas club whose atmosphere can best be described with two words: "party coffin."

7. A hook. If you don't have a hook, then a well-timed pratfall works just as well. ("Well-timed" here means "right when the party coffin sound system starts to play Usher.")

Joaquin Phoenix is clearly a joke rap success story. Look for his comic documentary series, Joaquin Disaster  (get it?) on NBC next fall.