Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Possible Plotlines For Sex & The City 2: Multiple Shoegasm

Over a year ago, thunderous saxaphone music shook the ground, the sky turned a bright, Cosmo-colored pink, and the heavens ripped open, raining bad puns throughout the land. In other words, Sex & The City: The Movie opened in theaters. From the first grating audience "Wooo!" the movie taught us a lot, namely: tacked-on dress-up montages are F-U-N; grotesque conspicuous consumption should always be a major life goal; If you gain five pounds, it is not only acceptable but hilarious for your friends to be total snipy bitches about it; If you're getting married, better have your phone on you at all times or else you will totally get jilted; When your husband says, "I cheated on you," the normal reaction is to not ask a single follow-up question; People in comedies are still doing the "human sushi platter" thing, despite the fact that it doesn't exist in real life; and no amount of set up is too much to get to a "pookeepsie" joke.

Illustration for article titled Possible Plotlines For emSex  The City 2: Multiple Shoegasm/em

What magnificent, terrible, fuschia-colored lessons will Sex & The City 2: Multiple Shoegasm (working title) teach us when it opens next year? This extras casting call received by Gawker provides us with our first tantalizing clues:

Grant Wilfley Casting is holding an open call for background performers for SEX AND THE CITY 2.

Seeking SAG and NON SAG to play:

Fashion Models, Celebrity types, Upscale Socialites, Fashionistas, Urban Club goers, Gays and Lesbians, International types (Middle Eastern, Arabic, Asian, European, British), Professional Soccer Players.

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Based soley on this casting call, here are a few possible plotlines for Sex & The City 2: Multiple Shoegasm:

—Samantha has sex with an entire soccer team, all the while screaming, "Goaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!"

—Childless Carrie, realizing she will never be able to have a child of her own naturally, opens a fashion baby mill where she breeds the most adorable, over-accessorized babies from purebred Fashion Model, Celebrity type, and Fashionista stock.

—Miranda convenes a mock UN…with sexy results!

—Mr. Big hires a dozen or so visibly gay and lesbian people to constantly swish and swirl around Carrie, creating what's known as a "gay tornado," in order to make Carrie feel just faaabulous.

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—Samantha opens a hotspot called Urban Club. She explains it to new members like this: "The first rule of Urban Club is don't talk about Urban Club. The second rule of Urban Club is have sex with me. Rowwwwr!"

—Charlotte gets diarrhea. (It worked in the first movie, so why mess with perfection.) 

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