What will Sex & The City 2: Ampersandier be like? It's the question that has been on the lips and smothering the brains of all Americans for months. Will it be like getting hit in the head repeatedly with a Sex & The City DVD box set tin, or falling asleep in a pile of glitter? Will it be like the flu? Or like watching so many superfluous fashion montages in a row that your vision turns hot pink and it feels like you're falling down a tunnel lined with martini glasses? Will it be like a really bad coughing fit that ends with you holding a feather boa? Well, after months of breathless speculation, we finally have our answer: Sex & The City 2 will be like a super-glam near death experience.

Basically, it'll feel like you're floating above your own body as you move toward a bright white tunnel that sort of resembles a giant tanning bed or a super-blingy toilet bowl. You'll zip down this tunnel until you see a figure in the distance. Is it your dead great aunt? A beloved late relative? No, it's Carrie Bradshaw, a half-ton of gold accessories, and a discoball in the shape of the number two! "What is this?" you'll wonder, "Is this heaven?" But then you'll notice the barren desert reflected in Carrie's gilded sunglasses, and before you have the chance to escape, Carrie's mouth will hinge open, "Poooooookeepsie, New York!" she'll hiss. The words will scorch your skin like fire, mostly because they are fire, because Carrie is one of the dragons that guards the gates of hell. You'll try to scream, to cry out, but there is something in your throat, and as you bring your hands to your neck, you'll wake up in a drab hospital room, with an IV in your arm and a tube down your throat. "I'm alive," you'll think. "Thank you, God."

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In other words: Total girls' night out fun!