Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled This Means War

Thoughts on, and a place to discuss, the plot details we can't reveal in our review.


So eventually, the jig is up, and Witherspoon finds out that the two douchebags she’s been dating not only know each other, but are partners in the CIA. Perhaps she’s slow to put two and two together with regard to how they know so much about her, but her initial reaction is “You two know each other?!” rather than “You’ve been spying on me?!” or “Wait, so all the guys at the local field office watched me and Pine doing it?!” Recognizing that Witherspoon would likely kick both men to the curb, the film immediately makes her the damsel in distress in its perfunctory spy-games subplot, as some glowering Russian supervillain abducts her as part of his sure-to-be-foiled evil scheme. Therefore Witherspoon realizes that these invasive clowns are, in fact, American heroes, and should thus be given license to do whatever the hell they want, because their intentions are noble, and because Pine—the winner of this bachelor showdown—has eyes she compares to creamy pools of milk. Besides, if we object to warrantless phone-tapping and bedroom surveillance, the terrorists win.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter