A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.
The riveting Wolf Hall. This historical drama is as close as we’re going to get to a PBS version of Game Of Thrones: no dragons, all intrigue.
The return of E!’s medical sadness parade, Botched. The show is filled with more uneven breast implants, ruined face-lifts, and infected tummy tucks than a museum of medical oddities, but it’s still less grotesque than Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
The MTV Movie Awards, a.k.a. The Hunger Games Awards. Sure, it’s completely unnecessary. But if no one gets a trophy for “Best Kiss” all that metal popcorn will go to waste.
The confusing return of fashion’s most unflattering pants, culottes. It’s the perfect garment for all those times when you can’t decide whether to wear a pair of hideous high-water pants, or a skirt from Lily Tomlin’s wardrobe in 9 To 5.
The latest Nicholas Sparks’ schmaltzmance, The Longest Ride. An elderly man spins a story about lost love. Also, horses.
Lifetime’s extreme nature birthing bonanza, Born In The Wild. Does it really count as “the wild” and “getting back to nature” if you’re setting up a tent, heating a birthing pool, and inviting an entire reality show crew?
The trailer for cinematic ipecac, Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence). Required viewing for the gross-out completist.