A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.

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Sia. Pay attention, Shia. That’s how you do the baghead. 

The return of Masters Of Sex. Aka Mid-Century Credenzas That Would Look Good In Your House. It’s equal parts porn and furniture porn.

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Sex Tape. So it’s a sci-fi comedy that takes place in an alternate universe where people would actually have an interest in seeing a Jason Segel/Cameron Diaz sex tape?

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Boyz II Men’s Wendy’s pretzel bun song. On the R&B embarrassment scale, singing tweets about Wendy’s seasonal products is second only to participating in a Bachelorette challenge.

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MTV’s new season of Teen Mom 2. Teen Mom 2-induced depression is actually the preferred method of birth control among high school students.

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Taco Bell’s latest leftover creation, The Quesarito. It’s a burrito wrapped in a quesadilla wrapped in the flimsy notion that anything served at Taco Bell is actual edible food.

The return of Zach Braff, blandspirational auteur: Wish I Was Here. Anyone want to contribute to a Kickstarter to permanently shut down Kickstarter as retribution for foisting Zach Braff’s feeling-filled face upon the general public again?

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