How would you stop an uprising of witches threatening to eradicate every muggle on earth? You might make use of someone like The Last Witch Hunter’s Kaulder, played by Vin Diesel. Yes, he might have a fiery sword, but make no mistake; Kaulder is not your dad’s witch hunter. He drives a sick sports car. He mumbles with foreboding gravitas. He thumbs his nose at Hollywood’s superficial requirement that after you work out your pecs and triceps, you also have to blast those abs. He walks towards stuff, slowly and with purpose.

Michael Caine pops up as Father Dolan, a Catholic priest with a dark secret, that secret being the horrible knowledge of the occult’s siege against humanity. What secret did you think we meant? Game Of Throne’s Rose Leslie brings her intimidating gaze as Chloe, a witch with whom Kaulder is forced to team up, lest they fail to slowly walk towards stuff together and defeat the witches. Blink, and you’ll miss Edda-award winning actor Ólafur Darri Ólafsson as a bearded, boss-level witch who will probably wind up getting the business end of Kaulder’s +1 Sword of Flame.


For those with strict movie-witchcraft requirements, The Last Witch Hunter trailer ticks off a lot of the check boxes. There’s burning pentacles, smiling models who shouldn’t be trusted, weird indoor snow, weirder indoor butterfly kaleidoscopes, and a gargantuan tree standing ominously in the distance (flaming branches optional).

Vin Diesel’s Kaulder tackles, cleaves, grunts, hunts, and vows to hunt witches when The Last Witch Hunter slowly walks into theaters October 23, 2015.