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What Marrying Charlie Sheen Is Like

Star of Two And A Half Men, noted prostitute connoisseur, and angry driving force behind Denise Richards: It's Complicated, Charlie Sheen got married last weekend for the third time.

Based on this interview with Sheen about the wedding in OK! magazine, here's what it's like to marry Charlie Sheen:

1. It's like a dream—or, you know, like a high: a really jittery, stay-up-all-night-cause-you're-too-wired-to-close-your-eyes kind of a high:

It feels great. We were so excited when we got home we couldn't go to sleep. [There was] a lot of adrenaline and excitement.

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2. It's sooo romantic because Charlie really knows how to make his current bride feel special: by publicly bad-mouthing his previous two wives.

OK!: Would you say the third time's the charm for you?

Sheen: Yeah, but I was telling a couple of friends last night that this feels like my first real marriage. The first one was a show, the second one was a con, and this one is the real deal.

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3. It's a day full of joy and hope: you can see it reflected in the innocent eyes of Charlie's two daughters—daughters he is generous enough to include in the wedding, even though they're the product of a con marriage.

OK!: Charlie, what do your daughters think about Daddy getting married?

Sheen: They're very young, but they were excited. They claimed they wanted to look as pretty as Brooke. They absolutely adore her.

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Aww, They're daddy's little cons!

4. As for the wedding itself, it's basically like being wrapped in a diaphanous cloak of pure elegance.

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…that sells for a dollar in grocery store checkout aisles everywhere.

5. In short, marrying Charlie Sheen is like floating on a cloud of happiness. You're so elated, you don't even notice that he's wearing an ill-fitting Men's Warehouse suit, and can't be bothered to straighten his tie for the photographs.

OK!: Charlie, why did you go to Men's Wearhouse for your wedding suit?

Sheen: I like their commercials a lot! I got tired of $3,000 suits falling apart in the middle of certain events. I didn't wear a tux because they're hot and they don't breathe.

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And, really, shouldn't everyone be able to breathe for their first real marriage?

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