Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

What Terminator: Salvation Will Be Like

Filming Terminator: Salvation was clearly a harrowing ordeal. But, personally, I think that pre-judging the quality of a movie based on some scurrilous gossip backed up by an amazing audio clip turned killer remix is just wrong. That's why I prefer to pre-judge Terminator: Salvation based on the quality of Halloween costumes that are curiously already available for sale. It's called fairness.

And so, based on these Halloween costumes, and nothing else, here's what Terminator: Salvation is going to be like:

1. Terminator: Salvation takes place in a dark world inhabited by half-Zac-Efron/half-crude-cartoons.


2. The world in Terminator: Salvation has clearly lost all hope, and every child must work at Sam's Club—but only a lucky few are issued back braces.

3. Meanwhile, all the women in this post-apocalyptic nightmare are auditioning for Danity Kane 2:  The Danitsurrection.


Unfortunately, yes, this means Diddy survived the apocalypse.

4. Robots roam this barren wasteland—and the robots in Terminator: Salvation are particularly ruthless. Also, apparently they've been modeled after Verne Troyer:


5. Oh, and because every movie could use one, for some reason there's a wolf man:


All in all, Terminator: Salvation can't miss!

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