Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

What To Do When Your Relationship With Your Vampire Boyfriend Goes Stale

Twilight and Twilight: New Moon have already established that vampires make the worst boyfriends. They're controlling and moody and stalk you via weird ghost visions every time they sense you're in "danger"—which translates to every time they sense you're talking to the adorable, perpetually shirtless and glistening CGI Husky who lives next door.

But let's say you decide to stick it out with your sparkly vampire boyfriend. Maybe you love his dried glitter glue pallor. Maybe you find what looks like a constant severe case of pink eye really attractive. Maybe you have literally nothing else going on in your life and so you desperately cling to supernatural creatures. What happens then? According to this trailer for Twilight: Eclipse, your relationship with your vampire boyfriend goes so stale so quickly, he's forced to start some kind of vampire/evil vampire war that also involves CGI Huskies just to spice things up. (Spoiler: it doesn't work) 


"Someone's creating an army."

"An army of vampires? That's ridiculous. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go stand on a snow-covered mountain in a thin cotton button down and watch my neighbor and all his friends morph into CGI huskies while some red-head jumps through the trees Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon-style."

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